the revolution

Hey, it's pretty exciting that people are reading this thing. I am pretty excited that people are starting to ask at least some of the same questions as myself. It's kind of exciting (not because I think I am smarter or more profound--- I am not) but I am louder. I'm glad to see the message I scream is not some tired din but in some small way a reflection of that ageless hymm of God that drives the universe.

Keep an eye out for links to my friends blogs, cool sites, and other assorted weirdnesses. I gotta go but here's some poetry to get you thinking....

the cross neither jewelry nor icon nor charm,
the cross held a lover who died in my arms,
under the weight of the hammer I held,
the space between heaven and everything spanned,

the lost art of living was found again,
when the cross become loving and Christ became friend

-waterdeep

orthodoxy

I've been thinking about orthodoxy lately and whether or not it's harmful for the church. Don't get me wrong, there has to be a logical right and wrong. There is too much evidence, (conscience, similarities between universal morality) that says somethings are right and wrong no matter what. What I want to know is how the church can call these things out because they are bad, not by appealing to "God said so." God is not arbitrary nor is scripture. God is not tame but he is not mean either. My problem is, what are we supposed to do about this logical right and wrong?

Now this question applies to the outside world--- not the church. Scripture is very clear that family business must be dealt with in the open without any hiding or secrecy. Look at 1 Corinthians 5. If a brother is playing in the mud instead of going to the feast, it is your duty to correct them.

But what about the world and our daily relations with it? If I know a non-believer doing something wrong, should I tell them? Should I be silent? What if it hurts them or their futures?

I think we must use love in these situations. Even more than that we should be willing to be among them, even in their sin. More importantly we should be willing to say something only if they ask. I don't take well to unsolicitied advice. Do you? How much good will it do if we preach? How much good will it do if we remain silent? I don't know but the Holy Spirit must lead.

I told Dan and Company I would pray about Harry Potter. I feel very strongly about the issue but I am also scared for what the community we have would say. Submitting one to another is very good in principle but a lot harder to actually do. I covet my stories and feel I am led by God to do what I am doing with them. But is it possible for the family of God to agree to disagree? God come quickly and show us what we should do.

Daniyel

meditations the night after a Madison Greene concert

It goes without saying that they were good. If you've never checked out the wonders that are MG then by all means do so. I have several mp3's you can listen to.

It was tribal. It felt like we danced and sung and jumped to the songs of a people even when we weren't listening to the tribal chants they adapted from Guinea (those were INCREDIBLE!!!!). Maybe it was an experience with the tribe of underground folk dancers that I think might change something. I'm not just talking about MG but the people in the audience too. The underground is where God is going to move I think. It's the people with dirty dreadlocks, and tatoos, weird colour hair and thrift store clothing that will change the world. I closed my eyes several times during the night and imagined (or maybe saw is a better word) myself dancing around a fire with bedouin, or maybe some Dinka tribe in the middle of the desert somewhere.

In retrospect, the band's lifestyle was also pretty provocative. They were almost bohemians for God-- traveling around and doing exploits for the Holy. Once the leadsinger even said that the band they were touring with tought them tons about personal hygeine. I know it sounds weird but I felt envious that they didn't care what they smelled like or where the next food would come from. I mean now it's all provided for me and I still worry about what I'll do when I get out of school. That should be enough. They traveled around and they only thing that mattered was touching their God through their music. The food, the money, the lodgings, even the places to shower would work themselves out. Their lives ached for their God through their music and that was all that mattered. They did exploits!

I should like to do the same, all over the world. Lord God let it be so!

Daniyel

"It's not about the money that we make, It's about the passions that we ache for. What makes your heart beat faster? Tell me now, what does your body long after?" -anberlin

the honour of my people

Before I start this blog, I need to take this moment to shout out Kay Gillete. She said she needed to see her name in here before she read it. Here it is! :-)

Anyway, I was online last night doing some research when I stumbled across a website devoted to how C.S. Lewis is the worst thing to ever happen to Christianity, a tool of satan, and a kicker of small children and puppies.

Anybody who knows me knows I quote Lewis in one form or another every three seconds. He was one of the Greatest Bards, the champ. If I become half the writer Lewis was, I'll die happy. So naturally you can assume upon reading someone's electronic vomit, I was just in shock. I couldn't see or understand what could cause somebody, a Christian, to hate somebody who did so much good for the Christian church.

I was going to write them letter, but really what good would it have done? These people are not going to change. I mean Jesus said we would have trouble, he never said it was going to come from inflamatory Christians. The words "further up into satan" actually appeared on the website. The demagog said that all the people who got saved from Lewis' writings were really going to hell anyway. I wanted to cry. God if these firebrands are the best you got, then we've got problems.

But God's luckily doesn't think they are the best he's got. He says we are. Those men and women of the revolution who live in the uncomfortable holiness of looking for God (not necessarily finding him) everywhere. I hope one day I am worthy enough to be numbered among their ranks. I pray the same for the firebrands as well.

FURTHER UP AND FURTHER IN!!!!!!!!
Daniyel

The meaning of Freedom

God you are my God and I will ever praise you!
God you are my God and I will ever praise you!
I will see you in the morning and I will learn to walk in your ways...
and step by step you'll lead me...
and I will ever praise you!!!

God evoke images and music and song and dance. Spray creativity over our hearts, drench us. Make us free in your truth; make us free in you life!!!!!!!!

We long for YOU oh God. Like dawn and the wetness of dew, we earnestly yearn. Step in our hearts and change our lives. Fix our tired, hardened souls. Make us so fixed and invaded that you penetrate us like a sweet spring rain. Be untame in our lives like the bothersomeness of a winter snow. Let us soak in life and and freedom from your eyes like the seraphic sun upon a summer's day. And like the a leaf in autumm, let those things which oppose You in our lives blaze away in a slow haze of spectacular glory. COME SOON SON OF MAN!!!

Come quickly sweet Jesus....

Daniyel

ps the meditation for this week is rev 4, we can do 2 peter if you guys want but I want in the rev for at least a week more.

Sardis: Revelation part 3

"And to the angel of the assembly in Sardis write: "He who has the seven Spirits of God, and the seven stars says these things: "I know your works, that you have a reputation of being alive, but you are dead. Wake up, and keep the things that remain, which you were about to throw away, for I have found no works of yours perfected before my God. Remember therefore how you have received and heard. Keep it, and repent. If therefore you won't watch, I will come as a thief, and you won't know what hour I will come upon you. Nevertheless you have a few names in Sardis that did not defile their garments. They will walk with me in white, for they are worthy. He who overcomes will be arrayed in white garments, and I will in no way blot his name out of the book of life, and I will confess his name before my Father, and before his angels. He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the assemblies.
(Rev 3:1-6 HNV)

Pentecostals have a tendency to be nuts. In the church I grew up in (a while back even b/f Mt. Hope-- it no longer exists now), they would always roll in the aisles, bark like dogs, jump up and act like total crazies (Sorry to all my pentecostal friends!--- You guys are exceptions to the rule!).

It's not like I didn't believe in the Holy Spirit or that he can work powerfully in someone's life. Anyone who reads the Bible is impressed by Him and everything He does. It's just the people who claimed His direct involvement in their life were not real people.

Neither am I... at least 80% of the time. I may not hide behind, "Hallelujah"s and "Amen, brother"s, but of course I obscure things because I don't want to let people in. I'm trying to get better at it and this blog is helping. However, I can't help but feel I have "a reputation for being alive but am really dead".

Three things about this letter help me tremendously:

1. Jesus tells the church in Sardis to remember what they have received. Then he tells them to keep these things of God from the past. When he says repent, He really means return to the former things--- what they had received. God doesn't leave us, he doesn't scorn us because we didn't use the greatness and potential given to us. He tells us to seize it!!

2. Sardis was not totally fake. There were still a few who walk in white. I think that applies to me to. I am not a 100% screw up. God says my heart is good. He thought I was worth sending his son for. He must have seen something. That is the real part of me and I have to live in that.

3. Purity and life. He promises to those who seize the day the right to walk in white and their names in the book of life. The two are connected somehow in a really primal way. Life and purity are a lot closer than I at first thought. Maybe God cleans us up and we find out we are truly living? Maybe purity (not just sex as is the common use of the word) but purity in everything--- speech, word, deed, life--- is what God sees as realizing our potential. We are who we are supposed to be when we are pure.

hope that helps
Daniyel

dancing and dreaming with the members of my tribe

I talked to Linda last night. It was time number 7033 this week where I have just gotten my mind blown by God ministering with his mighty hand and outstretched arm in the people I love. HE'S SO SNEAKY!!!!! I can't escape the guy, whether it's cheddar's with Dan, long phone conversations with Linda, or Visions or Greenhouse or whatever---- GOD MOVES!!!!!!!!

He's huge and big and real and alive.... He cannot be contained and He loves us. The love of an omnipresent sneaky God is almost as scary as his wrath. When God punishes you, you can spit in his face and repudiate Him. But when He loves you, it's as if he captures you from the inside out. You surrender the strong tower of your heart to his blessed redemption. God will not be tamed by His love. Even in Gethesthemane, when his loved ones all leave Him does God march inexorably toward the cross, intently bent on capturing his bride.

Daniyel

in process

I'm still processing a lot of what I did last night. I had a massive day-long Bible study with some friends and it blew my mind. It's a lot about the church and what we need to do for the next generation. One of the things someone said was that we need to stop and let God use us, especially in the midst of the 5 fold giftings (apostles, prophets, teachers, etc, etc,). But we shouldn't just try to do our own plans our build our own church, Christ said "On this rock I will build MY church." Not ours.

It's a lot easier said than done though.
What do you guys think?
Daniyel

I hate the fajita factory....

I think God is going to do something really crazy the next couple of weeks in my circle of friends. People are confessing all sorts of stuff, walls are coming down, and people are generally becoming discontent with surface level intimacy. We are growing closer. Don't mistake me, it hurts like the dickens--- do you know what it's like to be the only one who sees things as terribly wrong? I have a friend in that situation right now--- it's driving her up the wall. This divine discontent is what drives the kingdom of God. It drives us to expand, higher, deeper and faster because we need God and all creation is screaming for Him to come!!!!!! C.S. Lewis wrote a poem about this,

The Master says to our master, Come up. Share my rest and splendour till all natures that were your enemies become slaves to dance before you and backs for you to ride, and firmness for your feet to rest on.
"From beyond all place and time, out of the very Place, authority will be given you: the strengths that once opposed your will shall be obedient fire in your blood and heavenly thunder in your voice.
"Overcome us that, so overcome, we may be ourselves: we desire the beinning of our reign as we desire dawn and dew, wetness at the birth of light.
"Master, your Master has appointed you for ever: to be our King of Justice and our high Priest." --- the Great Divorce

Creation is calling, right up to our very natures, that God make "the strengths that once opposed your will shall be obedient fire in your blood and heavenly thunder in your voice." That is the message of God's revolution, that those which oppose God will be subjugated to his service and made how they were originally intended to be--- right down to our very natures.

Daniyel

PS... the fajita factory is really a great restaurant. I just had some unnamed issues and that's why I'm up so early....

meditation for zie bible study (and a spiritual fiber/pregnancy problem)

Meditation for Bible study: Pick one of the seven churches in Revelation 2-3 that you most identify with and do an artish thing about why that is.....

I figured out that I should try and do small talk even if I hate it. I need people and the only way to find out just "how deep the rabbit hole goes" with people is talk. But maybe there's a way to dive deep with even casual conversations. I mean in order to speak about God, you need to earn "street cred" (I am so white). But it's foolish to talk about Jesus if you haven't earned the right to be heard. In dealings with believers and non-believers that takes time. But what if there's a way to dive deep in conversations, to plumb the depths of another person's soul but not be pushy about it.

Spiritual fiber--- I have trouble expeling crap. It just keeps coming back and I long for freedom. That God would fix the world starting with me so I can fix others...

Spiritual pregnancy--- I want to birth life into others. I want freedom and life, not just for myself but to do what I can for other people. That God would bring life from His inmost parts to mine

some thoughts
Daniyel

idiosyncracies

I have a lot of idiosyncracies. For example, I start every blog entry with a statement about myself. I am narcisistic, weird, awkward, and self-centered....

But not to God. The God of ultimate reality says I'm good, my heart is good. All my idiosyncracies don't matter in community, maybe it doesn't matter....

baruch haSHEM
Daniyel

more on Ephesus

He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the assemblies. To him who overcomes I will give to eat of the tree of life, which is in the Paradise of my God. - Jesus

Jesus promises the original state of bliss to the Ephesian church. He tell them that all he intended before everything got messed up, everything that was in the mind of the most good God, all that endless bounty in the amplitude of God, is what's in store when they overcome their defiecency in love. Jesus promises them how it was meant to be. However, in order to see that, we all each have our own hurdle which God sets before us. For the Ephesians, it was love. For you, it might be pride, selfishness or whatever. God sets life as he originally intended before you. Are all the things that stand in your way able to restrain you? Or is there this consuming ache in the depths of your belly that you must pursue life and nothing will stand in your way--- nothing.

This is the message of Revelation. The fight for God's original plan. It has been messed up- it will be rescued. That is the essence of redemption- the rescued plan of God.

I'll leave you with a meditation to keep you thinking.... somebody post!

What should I write Oh Lord?

Who are you to drape tents of mere words around the depths of my love? Can one even do such a thing? Is it even possible?

To what should I dance, Oh Lord?

What dance could even begin to plumb the depths of my ecstasy for you, the ecstasy in which I drown every time I gaze upon your heart, at the mere mention of your name, at your very scent which rises to my throne as a dulcet offering? What dance could you do, my intoxicating beloved?

Where should I go, my God?

Where else is there love, my glory and my bride? where else is love but in my arms? Where else is there one with a longing such as mine? I need nothing beloved, but can't you see? Can't you understand that I need you?

What else is love, my God?

Have you ever been to a wedding my glory and my heart? Have you ever banqueted at a love feast of Biblical proportions, one that went on for days and days? And at that love feast have you ever danced with the one for whom your very soul yearns, she for whom you would give all you are at the most basic fundamental level to eternal perdition, just so she wouldn't have to hurt anymore? Have you ever danced with her, my delightful lady? Have you ever danced with her such wild and passionate dances? And have you ever gazed into her eyes, oceans of fire aflame with the verdant colour you yourself put there, a fire from which You, almighty God, cannot and would not escape? What else is love, but this, my glory and my heart? What else is love but this day which I eagerly eagerly anticipate?
Why did you have to die, dear God?

Can sin do anything else to its victims save murder them senselessly? Isn’t it obvious I rather it kill me with brutal torture than so much as breathe its murderous designs upon your holy face, your face so sacred and lovely? Isn’t magnificent, isn’t it glorious that even death could not separate me from my delightful bride, she so intoxicating and captivating? What else could this be but our love?

Who are you, Oh great King?

Who has been wooing you from the first day air was blessed to touch your lips? Who was He that first courted you, darting in and out of grand stories, picturesque landscapes, good friends and great banquets? Who was He that delighted to chase you, to woo you, to court you through the maze of broken glass in which I found you? What else could your pain have done but cut me to ribbons because you shed a tear? Who else could I be but your fiancée? Who am I but he who would surrender his body to be broken because an eternity of omnipotence without you is as the fires of eternal torment to Almighty God? What else could I do? Who else could I be?


Daniyel

Revelation part 2: Ephesus.love God

I hate it when words lose their meaning. Right now, before you continue reading this, write down how you would tell an outsider to the human race what love is. It's a lot harder than it sounds isn't it?

I want to love God. I want to know Him. I want to understand Him. What does He mean, what does He do? How do I love the Almighty God? In the spirit of Valentine's day, how do I love? What does it even mean?

It's not through just doing stuff. Ephesus did stuff. They did all the right things and Christ commends them for it. Then he brings them back to love. He tells them to do everything they were doing before they lost their love. He admonishes them to go back to the first works.

When they were first starting out, they were unwise. They had nothing to commend themselves to the Almighty. The were a group of rotten, dirty, stinking pagans. Then Christ comes, changes them all and they spend weeks, months, maybe years wooed by his sweet embrace and the sound of his beloved breath.

This is what God tells them to return to; who they used to be before they started being religious and stopped being in love. Christ wants Ephesus' love, not just their works. All the stuff they did was good, but it means nothing if they aren't in love with God.

Got to flesh this out more, look later I might end up revising this post....

Daniyel

true love

It's not about the money that we make, it's about the passions that we ache for--- Anberlin

I got to thank Nathan for playing Anberlin when we hung out yesterday. It was worth getting hooked on a new band if only for that one line. I am starting to learn that God will take care of the money thing, I have to do what burns inside me--- seek God and point out the Heavens scream His name.

more later

Daniyel

revelation part 1: we need God...

We all need God--- badly. I have this friend (she will probably read this and kill me for using her as an example--- no names, though) who went through a crazy amount of tragedy. To make a long story short, she had to grow up in a hurry and was thrust headlong into a grownup life. She shouldn't have to worry about the trauma of her situation. She's in high-school! She should have a normal childhood free from pain. It shouldn't be like this!

What do you say to something like that? How can you offer someone who has been through that much trauma the cliche advice of pseudo-wisdom? I can say, in a plea for some sort of empathy, that I know what she's going through. I would be lying. I have no idea. It shouldn't be like this. She shouldn't have to go through what she went through. She shouldn't have her life twisted by the ugliness of circumstances into something God never intended. It shouldn't be like this!!!!!!!

God thinks so too. I think that revolutionary restlessness of Christ is the central message of the Revelation. The book of Revelation reads like a protest letter from God to the twisted, sorid state of affairs in which we find ourselves. God screams throughout the letter not only that things are not how He intended, but that He is taking steps to change them. The world in all it's sorid messiness is ending and the anticipation that throbs throughout the book is like the beating of our own heart, running hard after God. The world is being fixed--- God couldn't be happier.

This immenent fixing of the world (Biblical Redemption) does not only excite Christ. It also gives the churches to which the Revelation was addressed something to celebrate. This protest letter was written during an intense time of persecution by the Emperor Nero. The Temple of Jerusalem is less than a decade away from being destroyed in the most bloody atrocity in the history of Israel second only to the Holocaust. Christians everywhere, in a statement of defiance to these crosswinds of corruption, defy oppression by just existing. This is why they were thrown to the lions, because the message of Christ is that this twisted mess of a world is being fixed. It scares the twisters half to death. Christ threatens to undue the entire system of power they built on the backs of the the poor, the helpless, and the hurting. He threatens to save the world by toppling them! What else could the Emperor do but try futily to eliminate this very real threat to his cherished way of life?

The Revelation was written to encourage the church in the midst of this subversion. It was Christ speaking to their personal situation (the letters) and the situation of the world (the rest of the book). Have you ever wished God would answer your cries for Him to justify Himself? Have you often wished God would open the brazen heavens? Have you often wished he would fix this madness? Have you ever been desperate for God to say ANYTHING, just so the pain would stop? The Revelation is all of these things. It is God's answer to a dying and decrepit cosmos. The answer he suggests is not a cosmic band-aid. There are no quick, cure-all solutions here. The problems will not even be solved in the present state of affairs in which we find ourselves. In this temporal madness, we will not find the answers we so earnestly covet. But God, in all the glory and grandeur of the Revelation, brings us out of time and into eternity. It is in that eternity that our souls truly find the rest they truly seek.

intuition and God

I'm in this physics and art class. It's pretty interesting (on the off chance my prof is reading this!) how the two are often related. Physics shapes people's worldviews and their worldviews shape their art. It's as if art comes out of the depths of who they are, (their lev- their heart) and all sorts of things (including science) affect that.

Then, there is Kepler. This guy was nuts. He ends up discovering that the planets move in elliptical orbits (not circular as was the dogma of the time) and other various relationships between the distance from the sun and the planetary orbits. What makes him crazy, though, is that he does this practically blindfolded. It was like the pinata game, where you spin a kid around several times and tell him to hit a moving target. Only imagine the kid pulling out a gun and shooting the donkey point blanc right between the eyes. Then imagine the kid picking up his stick again and acting all dizzy. This is Kepler, master of the flash in the pan inspiration.

The man made all these mistakes, didn't fix any of them, and still became the foundation for modern astronomy with the stuff he did get right. His childhood was horrible, his mom was accused of witchcraft, his dad ran off, he got picked on in school, he had mange and worms! Who gets mange and decides they want to invent the laws of planetary motion? Apparently Kepler does....

Anyway, the point the reading was trying to make was that Kepler did this all by intuition. He said it was sort of like a lockpick using an old hanger to jimmy open a door. He does it by intuition because he knows what works. He's got a feel for it. I wonder if my relationship with God is like that. Do I have that intuition that knows the rhythm of God's breathing even if I'm trying to bs my way through a million other things? Is my heart good enough to live by the instinct of my heart?

He did say we were given a new heart and a new mind. In Jerimiah, he says from the least to the greatest, everyone will know God. You won't have to teach anybody because it will be written on our hearts and our minds--- instinct living in the rhythm of God.

The rhythm of God, what does it mean to slow down when God rests and speed up when he runs? What does it mean to breath in synch with the same lungs that blew life into your very soul? What is the rhythm of God?

breathing...
Daniyel

God saves the day

I heard this worship song the other day (I think the title is "My Glorious"). It goes like this....

God is bigger than,
the air I breathe,
The world we'll leave,
God will save the day,
and all will say,
My Glorious,
My Glorious,

I had never heard of God 'saving the day' before. The first image in my mind was that of a superhero, saving the world, amid a trumpet fanfare.

not of God

I think the idea of 'being saved' has lost some of it's meaning these days. Religion has a nasty habit of making words 1. not mean what they were supposed to or 2. so obscure that you know they have some religious connection but have no idea what it means. So what does 'save' mean?

Salvation used to mean pushing people out of the way of a speeding vehicle or rescuing a drowning child. It used to mean being kept and perserved for a specific purpose. Now it's a prayer at the back of a booklet? I don't agree with that. God rescues and perserves us, he saves all who ask from the most horribl danger and the most horrible harm. He perserves us for his specific purpose both now and forever. That is the salvation of Adonai, the rescuing, perserving, and restoration of the world in ways we can only dream.

I think the suggested text for small group next week is Rev 1-3. Bring something, art, music, a song you heard on the radio, I don't care. I'm excited to see where it goes....

Daniyel

God does really crazy stuff...

I am watching Aquateen hunger force right now, trying to think of somthing really deep to write... I ended up crying at the antics of Mastershake so I don't know how deep it's gonna be....

God is rockin' my world though. I just got done with our small group we are starting. We are going to do a group where everyone brings a piece of art or a worship spiel sort of like Greenhouse's offerings night. I'm really excited because I think God is moving away from a "tell people what to do feel" and more towards a "bring what you have to help others" feel. We'll see.

haste the day ADONAI!!!
Daniyel

questions

hey, I wasn't going to post today, but I thought I should just because it would get the following out of my head and on paper. That's important.

I was talking with one of my friends last night about our majors. It's difficult because both of us are going into fields that don't pay a lot. It's one of those issues we both have- we're both passionate about what we are doing right now but how are we going to make it put food on the table?

Then God answers in charecteristic fashion that we're not thinking about the question right. We are expecting the answer to be 'yes' when the question is 'what is two plus two?" It's not like God won't answer, it's just we are confused about the question.

Beyond that, I have no idea...

the God of the Revelation....

Can creativity be forced? Can it be squeezed into this little box to jump, sit, and stay on command? Is the muse a tame lion?

Not if the muse is Almighty God....

I think the key to writing about Christ is letting your soul run away with You. Its getting into this regular habit of diving into God and He takes the work and does what He wants with it.

I was having girl problems again the other day and complaining about how they hinder my "enjoying of God" because I'm worried about a girl. I felt God saying to my spirit, "enjoy God anyway".

now I gotta go, it's getting hot in this room and I have to go eat....

Daniyel

being complete

Do I 'love' my friends to serve my own emotional needs? Do I just hang out with them because I feel loved or accpeted or do I hang out as much as I do because they are good people? Don't mistake me, all my friends are good people. The question is, do I hang out with them because I sense that, or because I need to feel apart of a family. I want to love people with no selfish ambition or vain conceit, considering others better than myself. (Phil 2:3). I don't want to be this selfish poser who seeks the head of the table or the warm fuzzy feelings but whom Christ must tell to get up so a person of greater honour can sit down (from one of His parables somewhere) I hang out with such luminaries, great men and women all of them, but do I really value them or do I value what they can give me?

I don't know what provoked me to beat up on myself like that. I guess I want to be an open book. I want no one to say Daniel Allegri did not struggle or hurt or need God (or rejoice or dance or sing too- my life is not all gloom!) every minute of every day. But I need Him, I need Him to be the person He wants, the fufill the master's design scheme, to be a proper minister. I need HIM so badly. The completed Christian realizes that to be completed you need God every minute and that you will never realize the depth of how much you need Him and thus, in the trenches of earthness in which we live, will never be truly completed.

That's the message of heaven, being complete. In the last paragraph, I was tempted to write complete instead of sucessful, but to not be sucessful dredges up a whole bunch of issues like failure and rejection that God is NEVER about. We are never whole but we are completly His and He has won the day. God on earth is kind of like apple juice; the more you drink the thirstier you become. God in Heaven is like living and vital water; He totally doesn't just quench our thirst to be inflamed later, he satisfies it once and for all--- we never thirst again.

Maybe that's why I need people, to be the rivers of God to quench my soul. That theory still has a gramme of self-interest in it but is a whole lot more honest.

totally not what I was about to talk about.
pax Christi vobiscum

Where do I go?

I like what I've written so far. Writting this blog has been immensly cathartic because in writing I find it easier to be honest. I can say stuff without varnish or "fakery" (that one was for you Daron!) The fact that it is open to everyone gives me a chance to not pose before people, even if it is at least once a day.

On the night of Jesus' betrayal, right before the dirty deed was about to happen, Jesus told his diciples that they were going to leave Him, but he stressed it would be temporary. To paraphrase, He said, "You will all deny me, but after I get up, I will lead you into Galilee." That dichotomy there of "you will deny me, but I will lead you" is so beautiful. God will still lead these men, regardless of their spineless betrayal. He doesn't care what they did, who they were, or what they are now. All the matters is regardless of what they do, God will lead them. When I don't know what to say or where to go or who I am, God will lead me and go before me. He will be the good shepherd (that's how middle eastern shepherds worked, they led the sheep, they didn't drive them.). That gives me this great sense of peace!

'sall I got, somebody post.
Daniyel

In front of my eyes....

The following is a seedling of an idea for Greenhouse's offerings night in a couple weeks. Let me know what you think. It's a monologue from the priest who discovered the law after it was lost.

We lost the law. The dusty scroll of Moses sat in stark contrast to the temple, the rituals, the priesthood--- my life! I just don't know what to think any more, about God, life or anything. What have we been doing the last few centuries? Playing? Fooling around, play-acting as the people of The Name. Could we possibly think Adonai would not be angry? Did we really think we wouldn't care? That he would be okay with our safe and religious arm's length from the God of our Fathers and not care we have defiled him?

We have slandered The Name before the nations. They are going to look on us and smear him, saying, "Their God is forsaken by even his own people! His own nation refuses to honour his name! What is He to us?" Because of our infidelity, the Name is slandered just as grieviously as if we spit on his face ourselves. We have heaped shame upon shame upon our heads and reveled in our prostitution till the HOLY ONE vomits. Why? Because we would not be bothered in our comfortable bed of adultery with those other no-gods of the nations.

We lost the law in plain sight. It was in front of our eyes, to be tasted and touched and experienced. It was meant to be lived in this great adventure with The Name wooing us in hopeless romance. He wanted us to love Him and be romanced by Him. We didn't lose the law; we ignored it. It was sitting right in front of our eyes- life- and we couldn't care less if the HOLY ONE Himself were crying at our feet, begging us to return to who we really are. In a sense, that is what the HOLY ONE is doing, standing outside our window, screaming about the many waters that cannot quench love and the rivers that can't overwhelm it. He repudiates those fools who would not even give up their own comforts for love when a man can give his whole house for the love of the HOLY and it would be utterly scorned. He stands outside, like King Solomon, pleading to put us as a seal upon his arm, for He is his lover's and we are His.

But we would hide behind the temple and our religion instead of embrace the truth and the life of his purpose. I pray there is still hope. There must be. Were all the sweet nothings of romance whispered in our ears really nothing? Was God really serious that nothing could overwhelm His love- not even us? God, our sin is an endless ocean in which we are drowning! We are suffocating under the weight of our transgressions! Are You big enough to rescue us? Then the HOLY asks, are we willing to be rescued? What else can I do but tear my clothes and weap in ashes. LORD of Hosts, I am willing. I am willing. I am willing. I pray that is enough.

ears open

"God of Jacob" is running through my head again. We need to be this generation that pursues God doggedly. In the middle of that pursuit, we find ourselves and our true names.

I read the part in Mark (14:27) where Peter refuses to deny Jesus. He, one of Yeshua's closest diciples, eventually does deny Him. I like what Lewis said that by being so adament about his devotion to Christ, Peter ignored Christ command to pray for our daily bread. He refused to take it one day at a time.

That just majorly convicted me as I wrote it. I'm pursuing the idea of a relationship with a girl I like and I feel God is in support of the idea. But I just don't want it to get in the way of God and me. Every time I try to pursue a girl. I always spend way more time worrying about it, then I do in front of Jesus. It never works anyway, I end up getting hurt and crawling back from my God hiatus.

But if I took it one day at a time, if I throw myself on the mercy of God, it will happen if He wants it. It think God is saying,"If the relationship happens, let it. But worry about today. Today is plenty to worry about." But then again that is me assigning words to imperceptable feelings and impressions received from his word. I make no claim to speak prophetically.

It's difficult to remember what God's voice really is. I fall into the trap of thinking that he speaks on he inside only. It's as if you hear this voice in your conscience from God which you can have a conversation with. I don't think that's the only way he speaks, but I fall into the trap of only listening for His words in my soul. (However, he can speak in the soul occasionally, too.). I've heard God in movies, books, songs, friends' words, church, stories, or random encounters that make no sense. However, I don't always listen for Him there. I need to keep my ears open because I feel sometimes as though I miss a lot.

The LORD adore you, and guard you, The LORD shine his face on you, and grant your prayers, the LORD
lift up his face upon you and mark as yours, peace
and they will put my name on all the sons of Yisrael and I will adore them
-GOD

ears open
Daniyel

back from visions...

I am sitting at work right now, wondering what the best use of my time is. I got back from visions last night and Mike Fields spent the night over. It was a good time; the guy is so deep and in love with God that he puts us all to shame. He's really seeking God these days. I love hanging out with him because he doesn't expect you to small talk. It's perfectly normal to ask the guy how him and Jesus are, what he's learning from God, or how worship was. His world is defined by his God and I think that singleness of heart is really admirable. God is the only thing that matters, everything else matters in relationship to Him alone.

Visions was good too. It was definitely a mature night, I felt like God was trying to emphasize a spirit of adult intimacy in the crowd. The last couple visions have been really powerfull manifestations of who God is, repentence, and the advancement of God's rule, but last night was more intimacy of a different stripe. It's the diffence between passionate sex and a husband and wife sitting on a couch, listening to each other breathing while they don't do anything really at all. It's the difference between spiritual orgasms and spiritual intimacy. Both are good things made by God but I think God is yearning to listen to our breathing, be in our presence (as we desire His presence), with the only thing we really need to do is be together. God wants us to be with Him because we are in love not because we seek spiritual ecstasies. We think that is what composes God and that is so wrong. God is a person, not a feeling. He loves, woos, romances, gets jealous, and angry but is always right and good and true and liberating. that's a good word, the very air he breathes is liberating!

I think this spiritual metaphor of a husband with his wife is lost on the church today. We say we believe it but we really don't let it sink in. God desires us our spirits to live related to His Spirit as lover's body's live related to each other. Sex is an analogy to how God wants to connect with us. But not just sex, but the life of a married couple, ever drawing closer to each other in the highest ecstasies and the most mundane trenches. God is desirous that we be married to him. I think that is a part of the Kingdom of God. The Great Romance.

Chew on that while I go close the lab
Daniyel

a generation that seeks

I hate how school makes me put the blog on the back burner sometimes. I am way too busy. Life must be processed and chewed on to see God in it and too often our pace makes that impossible. I need time with Jesus and my thoughts. I need HIM.

I woke up this morning with "God let us be, that generation that seeks your face, oh God of Jacob!" running thorough my head. I love the name 'God of Jacob' because of that scene in the Torah where God wrestles Jacob. They wrestle, ultimately, for his identity. Jacob won't let God go until he gets Him to bless his life. God takes his hip out, gives him a new name "Yisra'el" (He wrestles with God), and leaves. There's all these themes of struggle and determination and weakness and identity throughout the entire story. Most of the Patriarchs lived out one of those threads (weakness, identity, struggle or determination) in there various wanderings through the desert. I think the church needs to begin wrestling to really see the God of Jacob.

I gave my history of physics prof a book by Francis Schaeffer wednesday. I was all excited because all the stuff we've learned about directly ties into that book and everything Schaeffer writes. The problem is, he immediatly tuned out once he found out Schaeffer was a pastor. That amazes me because God screams loudly in the sciences. It's a wonder very few can hear his volume.

In the God of Jacob
Daniyel

being me...

Just hung out with Raquelio, I love that girl to death. We've known each other from Kindergarten and you can't have pretense around someone you've known for that long. She's one of those friendships that have depth instead of width. I really am starting to value friendships of quality instead of quanity. If you are reading this, you get my props girl!!!!!!!!

I'm starting to learn who I can hang out with while still being me. It's those friends who are centered on God who you don't need a pretense for that compose your "church." That floating community of honest people is what God was driving at when he formed his group of "called out ones", not an organization.

In the co-life of God
Daniel

SPIRITUAL intimacy....

I thought I should point out that the last couple posts have been about SPIRITUAL intimacy. It's pretty obvious from the context that I meant intimacy within the church and among friends. But after reading them over a little, I felt that with a little misunderstanding they could be taken as I-need-a-girlfriend notices. Although I am taking applications....

JUST KIDDING!!!!!!

Anyway, I was talking with my friend Dan last sunday (Yeah okay, there was a year-long streak of unoriginality in the 80's where everyone named their kid Dan or Steve. Sociologists call them Generation D and Generation S respectively). We are both nuts (Both nuts for Jesus and garden-variety nuts. He's one of my best friends on the planet because ultimately he has to be. Do you realize how hard it is to find friends as crazy as me? Girlfriends are even worse!).

ANYWAY, We get to talking about the church. He's questioning a lot of his paradigm concerning church. We both grew up in this organizational structure where we sit in a pew, hear a sermon and some music and then leave. Church was a passive activity with the pastor in charge, being the prophet, teacher, apostle, evangelist, elder, and deacon all in one. Responsiblity was delagated to the laypeople for most jobs but the hearing from God part, that was the pastor's job. He then told us what God wanted.

What we were, I guess, verbally longing for is a more organic model of church. Finding one that isn't crusty with the weight of insitution is a hard task. Instead of the church getting together as a group and being a Jesus-based rotary club, maybe it consists of a group of Christians living together and growing together. If elders in the faith rise up, the church doesn't elect them but recognizes their elderness for the rest of the body. Independent of that recognition, they are still elders. The same goes for prophets, teachers, and the like. Maybe all the names church leaders give stuff aren't really things we need to implement but appelations to what God is already doing.

Like for instance, the old way of thinking would say we need more prophets in the church. So the pastor would teach about prophets, train about prophets, and generally have a "prophecy drive". Then by his attempts to raise up different people to be prophets, he would hope God would call some of them to actually speak with inspiration.

Instead, the new way of thinking would have God raise people up. When the community got together in prayer, breaking bread, and intimacy times, someone would say something with inspiration from God to edify the community. Then people would recognize this person spoke with inspiration from God (oftentimes on a regular basis), thus he is a prophet. God would raise up the people and their gifts, not man and not through the method of striving against the wind we have been practicing. Real chuch is recognizing what God is already doing.

I have more to say but not enough time in which to say it. I might get back on and talk some more about this subject, especially about how saying this, I don't want to become the thing I hate- institutionalized.

Daniel

What to say?

Do you ever not know what to say? Amazingly enough (no one believes me when I say this), I run out of words all the time. I just wish I didn't look so stupid when fell short. Maybe that's why I look stupid, because I care what I look like in the first place.

Now I gotta bust out some zhongwen (Chinese), I'll probably post again before the night is done.

Daniyel

white castle and knowing people as God does....

I forgot to put this up last night. I went to Sparty's last night to get a hot pocket because I hadn't eaten and the cafes were closed. These two girls were standing there in disgusted shock about this empty box of White Castle burgers. When you think about it, it really should disgust you. 1. They were White Castle. 2. They were microwavable so I doubt they even came from animal/vegetable/ mineral. 3. THEY WERE ALL GONE!!!!!! ewwwwwww!!! We eventually got to talking after I thanked them for saving me some money. (Just kidding it takes a lot to disuade me from eating!)

Anyway, it goes back to wondering what to do in small talk situations. I don't want to waste their time with "Where are you from?" and "What do you study?" I want to find someone's passions and glories, I want to know men and women as Christ knows them. That's the only thing that matters.

But do I want to be known like that? Do I people to pursue me in that Christlike love that reveals everything but heals everything too? Do I want somebody to know me like that? I don't know but in my more honest moments I lean towards the negative and that scares me a little. I want to be open and known, but I don't know if I really want someone to know EVERYTHING.

but John says that if we walk in the light as he is in the light, we will have intimacy/sharing with one another (1 john 1:7)

so Christ commands it

Daniel

Intimacy?

I just got back from Greenhouse. I didn't really feel anything in worship and I don't know if this was good or bad. (Not because of you though, Nathan :-)) Like Steve said the week before, a lot of Christian worship is a pursuit of the orgasm of God without the intimacy. We want the throes of spiritual passion without the bearing of our soul before Almighty God. Feelings are not intimacy. This goes for people and Jesus.

Well what is intimacy? Good question. I have no idea. I maybe think it has something to do with openness and honesty about who you are, but that's only a part of intimacy. It probably is more to that though. Discovering this intimacy (arguably "fellowship" in the New Testament is better translated as intimacy), is probably a large reason of why I am publishing my journal online. The place that I really am "Daniel" before God is on paper, I am kind of disenchanted with not being "Daniel" before people too. For example, I also have a tendency to think that I didn't really experience sharing with people if I didn't go somewhere. Maybe because some of the best times of real sharing I have had have been in were 'feasting' situations. That's why I go out to eat after church a lot. However, tonight, we stayed in the church lobby and did not go out, yet still talked and shared a part of our lives with each other. It was a great time, yet I hope in my rush to get every one to Beaner's that I didn't miss the real sharing taking place.

Then there is also my growing hatred of small talk. I despise conversations that will never go below the surface. I hate this so much to the point where I will pretend like I don't see people in order to not have to small-talk and not give them the time they deserve. I don't want to interact with people in a manner that doesn't give them the respect the deserve as a person. They are people, created by God, so they deserve more than "Hello, how are you? Bye!"

I feel like I am afraid or rude or cowardly (or worse yet- socially awkard like Holden Caufield, much more on him later and why I think The Catcher in the Rye is about arrogance). But I don't intend to be rude. This didn't happen untill college when I started to meet so many people. I used to love any small interaction even if I didn't mean anything. Now I'm craving the intimacy of true friendship. I don't want to mess up the glories that are people.

Take that for what it's worth....

Daniel

ps... I fixed it so anyone can post on this baby, please do!!!!

Red Pool Scuba

Hey, if you are reading this, it's probably because I know you some how and I enjoy having people read my stuff out of a narcissitic need to receive praise. In the words of Mike Thompson, I have a pride problem.

While the above is true, (I really do have a pride problem, but doesn't everybody? More on that later and how I think it's really the only sin--- ever), I am loathe to think this blog is going to consist entirely of Hobbit bashing. (PS for those of you who don't know me, I'm about 2 feet tall. Okay that's an exaggeration but I'm still really short--- I'm okay with that, really....) I'd rather pursue God with some people on the net than talk about how much I suck. Seems like most of Christian culture is consumed with the idea God thinks we suck, I don't like that. God told us in Ezekiel that He gave us a new heart (Hebrew: heart, seat of mind, reason, inmost core analogous to the hard drive on a computer) and a new spirit (Hebrew: Spirit, wind, what animates you, what makes you able to use your inmost core (your heart) in the variety of situations that the world puts you in, analogous to the processor of a computer). Yet he doesn't erase us either so we become Christianized robots. We become ourselves, free of the monkey wrenches we throw in the machine God made- sin.

But I get way ahead of myself. What I really want to talk about is the the Kingdom of God. The Greek for Kingdom means "rule" or "reign". The idea that it was coming, according to Jesus, was the Gospel. Not a set of four laws in the back of a book or a prayer you pray. Sure joining this Kingdom gets you into Heaven, but that's not why you join this Kingdom, you join to ADVANCE it.

What does advancing this Kingdom look like? I have no idea. Hopefully we could start discussing that here, you (my fellow bloggers) and myself. One thought to leave you with however.
Dallas Willard, in his book The Divine Conspiracy says that Chrisitians fall into two equal and opposite errors about the Kingdom. 1) they assume it's consists entirely of eternity and all their efforts are to get people to Heaven, ignoring the here and now 2) they assume it consits entirely of social justice, ignoring eternity. What does reconciling the two look like? hmmmmmmmmm


PS reading presently Mark 14:22-26, any thoughts?