Intimacy?

I just got back from Greenhouse. I didn't really feel anything in worship and I don't know if this was good or bad. (Not because of you though, Nathan :-)) Like Steve said the week before, a lot of Christian worship is a pursuit of the orgasm of God without the intimacy. We want the throes of spiritual passion without the bearing of our soul before Almighty God. Feelings are not intimacy. This goes for people and Jesus.

Well what is intimacy? Good question. I have no idea. I maybe think it has something to do with openness and honesty about who you are, but that's only a part of intimacy. It probably is more to that though. Discovering this intimacy (arguably "fellowship" in the New Testament is better translated as intimacy), is probably a large reason of why I am publishing my journal online. The place that I really am "Daniel" before God is on paper, I am kind of disenchanted with not being "Daniel" before people too. For example, I also have a tendency to think that I didn't really experience sharing with people if I didn't go somewhere. Maybe because some of the best times of real sharing I have had have been in were 'feasting' situations. That's why I go out to eat after church a lot. However, tonight, we stayed in the church lobby and did not go out, yet still talked and shared a part of our lives with each other. It was a great time, yet I hope in my rush to get every one to Beaner's that I didn't miss the real sharing taking place.

Then there is also my growing hatred of small talk. I despise conversations that will never go below the surface. I hate this so much to the point where I will pretend like I don't see people in order to not have to small-talk and not give them the time they deserve. I don't want to interact with people in a manner that doesn't give them the respect the deserve as a person. They are people, created by God, so they deserve more than "Hello, how are you? Bye!"

I feel like I am afraid or rude or cowardly (or worse yet- socially awkard like Holden Caufield, much more on him later and why I think The Catcher in the Rye is about arrogance). But I don't intend to be rude. This didn't happen untill college when I started to meet so many people. I used to love any small interaction even if I didn't mean anything. Now I'm craving the intimacy of true friendship. I don't want to mess up the glories that are people.

Take that for what it's worth....

Daniel

ps... I fixed it so anyone can post on this baby, please do!!!!