Running around

I'm trying run back to my true self.

Honestly, I haven't been where I needed to be with God recently. No, it's been no glaring sins or incandescent transgressions, but I've felt like the the Lord is calling me to go higher. Like He knows I can do better and He's baffled why I don't. This thing is, so much of why I don't seek God like I should is because I'm trying to find out what seeking God really means. What does He want from any of us? In the kindest, best way I can think to say it, what does life, done how He wants it, look like?

I know that the only thing that keeps us locked on God is His treating us far better than we deserve (grace) and His giving us more credit then we merit (trust). He give us grace and He trusts us and that terrifies the spit out of me. Ultimately, the only thing that keeps honest, today, in the here and now, is grace- a grace I feel like I abuse because every waking moment is not spent taking full advantage of the time and resources and abilities I have been given.

Now, you all know I believe in the Bema seat of Christ- the eternal punishment and the eternal reward are cornerstones of our faith. But the problem is, they aren't real to us. If they were, they would scare the crap off us and we'd never move from the path of Christ, ever again. I guess what I'm asking is this, can we make real the two greatest commands- loving God and loving people- while still living and loving and flirting and writing and homeworking and drinking coffee and being a bum? Is the human life exclusive of the spiritual life? Can we pursue God and still be human?

How?

Daniel